Nearly every day of our life we have to deal with difficult people. It is very important to understand the reality behind difficult behaviour so that it doesn't have a too big effect on our mental balance.
I am sure there are hundreds of different types of people that can upset us, but I will divide them in five main categories or levels according to the degree of damage they might do.
DIFFERENT, FRUSTRATED, BITTER, NASTY AND EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES
The different
Sometimes we consider people difficult only because they are different from us. If I invite a vegetarian friend for dinner, I mustn't complain if she doesn't eat half of the things I cooked. She is not difficult. She is simply different from me. Children who don't want to take karate, piano or ballet lessons are not difficult, they just have other interests. Diversity, in any field, should be protected, not banned. Tolerance makes us more serene human beings.
The frustrated
From time to time we all loose our control for a few minutes if we are frustrated. If I keep shaking my dusters on the balcony of the family that lives below me I mustn't be surprised if one day they will yell at me. They are probably very nice, normally, but they have been frustrated because of my behaviour. In this situation the best thing I can do is let them talk without interrupting until they get rid of their anger, then apologize sincerely. My apology (and my promise not to do it again) is all they need to calm down.
The bitter
Some people enjoy criticizing everything we do and they love to make us feel inadequate. It can be really annoying but it is crucial to bare in mind that people who behave like that are bitter because they are unhappy. Their life is misery. Maybe they are in a bad relationship, maybe they don't like their job or they have financial problems. Whatever the case, every time they pick on us they release a bit of the poison that they have inside and that makes them feel better for a while. It is not easy but if we are aware of this situation, instead of feeling hurt we can actually train ourselves to ignore their comments, feel sorry for them and be grateful we are not in their shoes.
The nasty
Nasty people are similar to the bitter ones but worse. They like to hurt you until you cry. They treat you like a door mat because they have a mental problem and they have decided to make your life hell. Normally it's someone in our family or in the work place. In this situation you can try to fight back and sometimes this works, but normally you really only have one option: to leave.
Don't let them interfere with your mental health. You can't change them but they can change you. Leave to preserve your equilibrium. It's the most precious thing you possess.
Sometimes running away means loosing some money or a property or a business or a status. It is very difficult to let go material possession but your mental health is far more important. It will allow you to start a new life.
Besides, if you are stuck in a sick relationship, your body may respond by developing an illness. Love and protect your body and your soul and don't forget what Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"!
Emotional vampires
They appear very sweet, gentle and weak, so it's easy to fall in their trap. All they want is to suck your energies, your time and your patience. They are normally antisocial. Of all the people in the world they only like you. Don't feel flattered, they only need a servant.
If you spot one, be firm right from the start otherwise it could take years to find the courage to stop them. Train yourself by thinking that it is OK to say "NO" from time to time; you are the only person who can decide how to spend your free time.
When they call you just say you are busy so they will have to call someone else. None of us is indispensable. If you have an emotional vampire in your family the whole process of detachment can be very complicated but keep reminding yourself that it is not healthy to be a martyr.....
Have a good life!
Piera Altobello-King
Meditation teacher at Centro Terapéutico Mezquida
